The OxyMoron in the Room

I am a walking contradiction. I'm 27 years old. Old not Young. I am a librarian. I am Woman. I am a sister and a daughter and a wife. And I am a nerd and reader and a listener, and a composer of run-on sentences.
In the same breath, I am a Motherless Daughter, the dyslexic who struggles at Reading and prefers audiobooks, an individual like Stanze Who is Split in Two and has two people living inside her.
I am someone who struggles with depression, enjoys eating a little too much, an optimist who sees the peril and every decision an opportunity, and at the same time someone who yearns for epicness and adventure.
Sometimes I won't  do something if it doesn't feel right, it could be right could be sane and logical and everything else the universe tells us is a good thing but I would still struggle if it didn't feel right.
I am a woman of many Beginnings but few endings as endings are final forced goodbyes and end stories. I am the person who refuses to watch the last episode of a show read the last chapter or say goodbye for the last time because it will be gone and will be the last time.
I live in a world of liminality. I am neither the optimist nor the pessimist nor somewhere in between. I am the one who yearns for adventure in the Great Wide Open and yet will shy away from opportunity and grandiose. I am a walking contradiction. I am an oxyMoron. I am some German word that does not exist in the English dictionary that describes the split soul and mind which constantly conflict and never resolves.
These are the ramblings of someone isn't entirely sure of themselves. However, they are utterances of truth. Beyond this point there be the thoughts of the Morbid Librarian.